darwin

i know i complain a lot about theatre. but now that all my shows are over and there are no practices to go to i feel weird. i have always had something to do after school every day and now that's gone. it had been going on for such a long time that when it finally stopped it was like i hit a wall of questions.

what happened?

what do i do now?

where do i go from here?

i had gotten so used to my busy and chaotic schedule that when it finally stopped i didn't know what to do with myself.

but i guess that's what happens in life. people simply adjust to their situation and move on with their lives. just like animals do all the time. you either evolve or you die. so i'm gonna go along with darwin's theory and evolve because i've seen enough that i know i don't want to be at the very bottom of the food chain. dying off like some of the other birds just because i couldn't think of something to do on a friday night.

i broke tonight

i broke tonight.
my body shook as i opened the fridge,
hungry for something
but not exactly food.

i broke tonight.
as the light came on i slide down
right on to the floor
and let the tears slip out.

i broke tonight.
the cat and dog danced around me;
unaware of what i was doing,
unfamiliar with the sound of my sobs.

i broke tonight.
mom had come into the kitchen.
she got me up off the floor
and into the living room.

i broke tonight.
sitting on the couch i let it all out.
tears which i had been holding back.
tears that were bleeding out from old wounds.

i broke tonight.
she asked me what was the matter.
i didn't cry often but every time i did
she was there. she was always there.

i broke tonight.
i tried to speak. hardly making sentences
but she understood my strange tongue,
knowing what had been going on.

i broke tonight.
she tried to help like always
but it didn't change my mood.
the blood still flowed down my cheeks.

i broke tonight.
she made me a snack,
hoping it would help me feel better
and i did but only a little.

i broke tonight.
she sent me to the shower;
saying the water will calm me
but i head to my cave instead.

i broke tonight
the bleeding has stopped as i write
but the wound is still there
and will only heal when the curtain closes.

this actually happened when i came home from practice tonight. i don't want to go into too much detail because i'm tired and upset. good night.

that mood

last night i had the urged to just take a glass which was conveniently placed on my kitchen counter, smash it on the ground, and watch as the glass scattered into a thousand tiny pieces. i'm sure that everybody would like to do that too sometimes because we all get into that i'm-so-frustrated-i-just-want-to-break-things mood.

mine happened to be caused by play practice. everyone in the cast, or at least the student cast, sees that the alumni who happen

to be in the show are the focus. it's like they're the stars and we're just the people in the background making them look good. the alumni even get to use our make up rooms which are so much bigger than the dressing rooms we have to get ready. you think that with the 24 female students would get a bigger place to get ready for the show but no it's actually the 3 female alumni who do. there's other things that bother about the show also. like how in a slide show we have for it's raining men we have pictures of the principle and the super attendant, who are current day age pictures and all gross and sweaty mixed in with pictures of past athletes. let's just say all us girls are not excited to be singing about them and when we saw the slide show a collected ew echoed through the auditorium. and how for curtain call the student cast all takes our bows scattered and completely random, which i should think we should bow by grade level since the show is called

dallas through the years, and then the alumni get to go last.

writing that little paragraph i realized that it sounds very ranty. which makes me think i should end this post with sometime that deals with smashing a glass. so let's all pretend that we have a glass in our hand. fill that glass with all of your frustrations in life and then smash it to the floor...or against a wall....it's your preference. but now let the satisfaction of you smashing something to bits lift up your mood. then go out and buy yourself a new glass.

name

i've decided that i'm going to change my name.

not my actual name my but my blog name. i've been looking at other people's blogs and the names of their blogs and saw that they were very personal. then i looked at my blogs name. zim's spark of creativity and i thought that the only thing that made it personal was that the first three letters of my last name was part of the title. nothing else. spark of creativity isn't that orginal and i'm starting to think that it doesn't really apply to myself anymore. i mean i get my inspiration for any of my creative project from small things like nature and songs, sometimes even the art of others. there is no spark (even though occasionlly there are) so i decided that a name change it for the best. i've decided on one that i feel represents who i am and is quite funny and ironic.

so goodbye old name and hello to new me...blog

what do you do when the hunger games comes out

during the day of opening night for your show?

yes it is true. the school show just so happens to open the day the hunger games comes out. we've known about it for a while now (or at least the fans and the ones to pay attention to the things going around them). cast members have begun reading the books and there's been a ton of conversation going on about it before practice with girls asking others to do their hair in a french braid like katniss. even when out assistant director jeff was telling us that there was only to more weeks until the show steph, from an organized mess (my life), managed to squeeze it in. here's the conversation:

jeff: guys, two more weeks.

steph: until the hunger games come out.

jeff: i quit.

the conversation did make the cast laugh but we as got eyes rolls and deep sighs from jeff and our director. needless to say that they figured out that we're more interested in the hunger games movie than our show.

but now it's hell week and they've been buckling down. the cast has been very good so far wanting to get things down and over with so we don't have to stay later than we have to. the practices are hard having to go in around 5:30 and end probably around 8:00. but the one i'm really not looking forward it is the wednesday practice which will go from 7:00 to whenever just because of the adults schedules.

but during this week my friend allison has come up with a good metaphor for hell week. and it fits very well with the new movie coming out.

hell week is like the hunger games. you never know who's gonna survive.

soooo......

i haven't posted anything new in over a month.

...

do i have a good excuse why?

...

no

...

sorry

song of myself

1

I celebrate myself, and sing
myself
Words such as these are not mine
But are borrowed from someone
else
They are simply words
Words, words, words as the prince
said

But those are more borrowed words
That flow from the pen of the
other writers

So what words are original?
What words are my own?
What words are yours?

2

Where do these words originate?
They do not just come from the
pen
There must be someone to think of
them

We do it all the time
Talking every single day as long
as we aren’t mute
But words aren’t always
remembered
So they must be unique in order
to linger

Poets, novelists, artists
They’re the ones who hold the
secret
Creative and imaginative they
create them
Words that spark someone’s
interest
Keeping the fire alive within
their head

3

I’m a writer, an artist at hand
Piecing together my world within
my head
Then creating them on the page

Through mediums of graphite, ink,
paint, pastel,
chalk, crayon
Creating both pictures and
sentences
Each telling a story through many
words
Words of my own creation