thinking of you

why is it that i keep thinking about you? why because of a few dreams i can't get you out of my head? why can't i stop thinking about you now even though i've known you for over a year? why do i keep daydreaming of us together? of calming days and steamy nights? of you rescuing me from things i don't know about? of us holding each other in comfort and love? of tender kisses of love and wanting? why?

maybe it's because i like you. i don't know why i didn't start thinking of you a year ago. is it because i've just now noticed how attractive you are? but that can't be it. you've always been attractive. and there was no other guy in my mind when we met. so maybe it's because i've finally noticed the way you laugh. all your jokes. your funny sarcastic remarks. how you're happy your friends with my best friends even though they annoy you at times. how hauntingly beautiful your voice is when you sing. perhaps that's the reason why i keep thinking about you.

but i shouldn't be. i'm in dangerous territory. crushing on the same guy my friends happen to like. and besides it's not like you notice me much. i'm just the girl there when you're talking to one of them. listening and smiling at the things you say. recently i've been joining in on the conversations and you seem to be accepting them by actually talking back. but will you be accepting to the fact that i'm thinking of you? and will my friends be also as accepting?

making a page

i have decided that i'm gonna make a page on my blog. i've seen the option on the posting, i don't know what to call it so i'm naming it thing-a-magigor for now. i've been curious and tempted to make a page but i haven't the slightest idea for what to do for it. until finally now, sitting behind the front desk in the library i have found my inspiration. and it would be...

STARKID!!!

haha tricked ya. you thought that perhaps i was gonna do something of books since i mentioned that i found my inspiration in the library. but nope. it's not that. thought perhaps i'l make one at another time. but yes i have chosen to do a page on Starkid, the most amazing theatre group ever. if you have no idea what i'm talking about then go and read the page if it's up and become amazed. for soon i shall turn you into a fangirl like myself. mmmmaaaaahhhhhaaaahhhhaaa!!!! (cue lightning in the background.)

it's tech week

i was going to post this last week but hey better late than never.

which means a few things

1. lots of yelling from the director and staff
2. homework being shoved aside
3. headaches caused by fellow cast mates
4. and weird eating habits

why weird eating habits? mostly because it involves me eating two dinners. one somewhere between 3:00 or 3:30. and then another one around 9:30 to 10:00 at night. which is probably not the healthiest of things but tech week is not healthy. you are sleep deprived and worked hard every single day while eating foods that mostly require a microwave. it's not a good thing health wise but we do it to get a great outcome for the show. which happens to be sweeney todd.

and no i am not one of the main characters such as mrs. lovett or johanna. i'm in the ensemble which is just as hard work as they have with all the similar songs i have to sing. saturday's rehearsal of act two went really well and then last night's rehearsal of act one went...well let's just say that it moved. christa, our director, yelled at us and i completely understand why she did. some of the cast members are not taking some things seriously (which causes me to want to punch them in the face but that wouldn't be professional now would it). it also reminded me of why i chose this to be my last show.

but as always with theatre, we work our butts of during hell week, accepting the yelling and trying to get through scenes as best as we can so we can go home. christa worrying her ass off and then when opening night arrives it's wonderful. that's how it's been for as long as i can remember. i know it will be a great show and we will prove to the spectars that kids can make sondheim look and sound wonderful.

being in the middle of my inner circle...

means being in the middle of the fighting

which means getting the short end of the stick

i've seen it happen before

friends getting into a fight

being in the middle

and seeing how they grew apart

it's history repeating itself

just with different people

but i remain the same as before

stuck in the middle

with shots being fired both ways

feeling like i'm the rope

in their tug-a-war

child's creatvity

ignore a child's creativity
and they'll grow up lopsided
it might be childish
but all of life is buffonery anyway
so let them teleport through a warp
and pay attention to where
otherwise they'll rip themselves open
and run to someone else for acceptance
let their creativity be seventeen miles wide
and jump into the warp with them
or they'll gallop be without you

jump away

the door was locked shut
only one place to go now
right out the window

runnings all i've knowen
they've been chassing me for years
yet i'm still not caught

deep in thought i try
to think of a hiding place
but none come to mind

they know all my tricks
they will surely catch me now
but i won't let them

turning up the cliff
the leap of faith carries me
finally i'm home

peacock food

i have to feed the peacock
it's food is weighing me down
small pieces placed in my pocket
begging to get out
so i pull them out into the open
then dropped them into the peacock
because i can't be normal
and have a regular piggy bank

slash

the fire burns
hungry for more
demanding you
go and get it
you've had enough
and try to fight it
your will is strong
but the fire still burns
only one way to stop
grab it and slash
the fire stops
as you bleed out

get back up

everyone has a bad day or two
but this is getting ridiclous
you look like garbage
and you're acting like trash
soon the dump truck will be coming for you

don't turn the other cheek
face me and accept the stinging truth
what do you want me to do?
lie about it?
don't be an idiot

if you're gonna play the game of life
then play it smart
so get back up
and move on with your life
there'e better things to do than sulk

the microwave

microwave on the counter
isolated from all the
matching appliances

not the best view
of the house
unlike the rest

pasta sauce stains
the white metal
smells of burnt food
and singed hair

never strong enough
to push for a new one

because every now and then
there's something sweet

timer is heard at noon
leftovers are done

if not already eaten
by the man with
the graveyard shift

no idea hiaku

i am deep in thought
but deep in thought about what?
i've no idea

escape hiaku

the door is locked

only one place to go now

right out the window

bed of roses hiaku

lying on a bed
of rose petals, i look up
finally relaxed

piano lessons hiaku

what am i doing?
playing this piano bad
i hate my parents

hello 2012

and good bye world. or maybe i should wait and say that until december. it's hard to believe that everything has gone by so fast. but perhaps that's because of pressure and stress. my life has been one big ball of crazy lately. how much i wish i could just continue on with christmas vacation with staying up late and sleeping in. but december has passed and the school was cruel enough to make us come back on the monday after new year.

during new years i didn't really have time to think back on anything that happened during 2011. my eve was filled with apples to apples, nerf guns, surprise attacks, cards, and candy. while my day was filled with muffins, late christmas presents, more apples to apples, and homework that i procrastinated on. so now that i'm bored to death back in school i'm able to remember all the things 2011 brought me.

aida. passing my senior project. a very potter musical. a cardboard goat named sir reginald remington the fourth. a cardboard grave stone with the words "ass entering system" on the side. red wigs, rapture circles. two cedrics. a cho chang on crutches. members of the pit who doubled as actors. the best brownies i've ever eaten. coke. my best guy friend becoming my son. urinetown (it's a musical and it's not as gross as it sounds). mother roles squared. a frying pan. the last year of lit camp. doctor becky in the shakespeare garden. british accents. irish accents. ocean city maryland. duffy dancing. my best guy friend moving to ohio. four months of summer vacation. four months of little women. past costumes being reused. ap english. three english classes at once. being accepted to all the colleges i applied to. waltzing to harry potter in the middle of hershey park at night. finding a friend who dislikes roller coasters as much as i do. experimenting on canvas. and crazy antics with great friends.

there were a lot of good times in 2011 along with some sad times. but life moves on and 2012 has come to give people a fresh new start. it's going to be crazy being it my senior year and then going off to college in the fall. i just hope that i will get as many, if not more, great memories this year before the calender runs out and i get a christmas card saying:

"merry christmas and goodbye"