breaking point

today started out as a good day. the eighth grade performance went well. i got out of three of my four classes and went to my last one which was art class. but then it change when i got home. it had been tech week all week for the school show and everyday i ended up getting home at seven and eating at seven thirty. so having performed for the eighth grade this morning i didn't have to go to play practice. but i had practice for sweeney todd. i was tired and not feeling all that well to begin with so i was contemplating whether to go or not. my mom offered to drive saying that she needed to get some christmas shopping done. so i reluctantly agreed to go.

that's when it went downhill. during practice i got frustrated with that way things were going that i almost ended up breaking down and crying two times. i asked the director if i could leave early and she agreed so i grabbed my things and ran into the bathroom to let out a few tears before anyone could see. i then went to go find my mom who was shopping in the mall where the theatre is located. it was then that i started thinking which got me even more upset.

i'm tired.

i'm tired of being the one that always listens to other people's problems. maybe i want to be the one to complain.

i'm tired of people giving me small parts because they think it doesn't bother me because i don't go around and complain and get all bitchy like others do.

i'm tired of working hard while the same people get the lead all the time when i've been around longer than they have.

i'm tired of my theatre group. i've decided that sweeney todd is going to be my last show. i can stand the people anymore. it's not fun anymore. it's frustrating. and it really sucks to. i was hoping that i would get a lead roll before i had to leave kiss but i guess i won't. and i don't care what people say. i don't consider being a guy a lead role.

i'm tired of being stuck in the background all the time. i don't wanna be a mom, a maid, a man. i'm not the prettiest girl out there. i'm not the one getting what she wants so easily. i'm not the one with a boyfriend. i just wish that before my senior year ends i'm the beautiful one out in the spotlight.